Faithful to Creating My Inner Circle
The concept of the “Strong Black Woman” has created a stereotype of Black women having an infinite amount of strength and can go through hardships in life unscathed with minimal support. This phenomenon has resulted in many women of color going through challenges by themselves and suffering in silence. You hear several spoken and/or unspoken statements that may drive women of color to suppress their emotions, while outwardly manifesting strength, like:
I don’t want to burden them with my problems. They have a lot going on in their own lives. I don’t want to add more.”
What will they think of me if I can’t handle my issues?
Stay strong. Don’t let them see you fall apart.
Going Through Challenges Alone
Repeatedly going through the difficulties of life alone can make challenges seem insurmountable. This can lead to anxiety and depression. While the Lord promises to be with us every step of the way (Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 16:8), He has created us to be relational people and to rely on one another for support. Scripture even encourages us to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Relationships help us to share the load, which makes the difficulties of life more manageable.
Leaning on Your Community
Growing in community and having someone to be accountable to helps to reduce stress and allows for growth in healthy ways emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Consistently going through trials alone can leave us feeling defeated, depressed, and alone.
On your healing journey, you don’t want to surround yourself only with people that will make you feel good and/or agree with everything you say. You also want to develop relationships with people who have the following qualities:
honest and loving, and will hold you accountable
safe enough for you to confess your sins to without judgement
relatable and good listeners who you can share your story with. Not only does this help you to vent, but it also allows you to use your story, your mistakes, your struggles, your broken pieces, and your successes to help, strengthen and encourage others.
Healthy and Balanced Growth
Widening your circle with the right people can help with healing as well. For healthy and balanced growth, a good rule of thumb is to have relationships on 3 levels:
On the same level as you - such as friends
Where you are being poured into - such as a spiritual mentor, therapist, pastor, or seasoned person in your life
Where you are pouring into someone else. For instance, being another person’s mentor.
Your circle can include friends, family members, church family, pastors, therapists, mentors, mentees and/or life coaches. And, it doesn’t have to be a large circle. Just be sure to focus on the quality of the relationships with those who you choose to be in your circle rather than the quantity of people within your circle. Remember, it is ok to be dependent on others. We were wired to be relational people.
Seeking Help
Are you having difficulty being vulnerable with others, leaving you feeling like you are alone trying to manage the challenges of life? You don’t have to go through it alone. Contact me for a free 15 minute consultation where you can learn step-by-step how to break the negative cycle keeping you stuck and live more congruently with your authentic self.
Looking for a Christian Therapist in PG County, Maryland? If so, contact me for a free 15 minute consultation.
