Top 3 Pitfalls Women Make in Christian Dating
The Scriptures say that “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This is an indication that we are wired to be in intimate relationships. While some prefer to be single, the majority of people prefer to be in an intimate relationship. However, in your quest to find the right person, do you find that you keep meeting the same kind of partner over and over again? After going through repeated relationship failures, you may begin to think that the problem is everyone else. We often hear these common statements, “There are no good men out here.” or “All the good ones are taken.” Nevertheless, there may be other subtle, yet powerful factors that contribute to the repeated, negative patterns that continually play out in your relationships. Here are 3 pitfalls that many women do in Christian dating.
1. Not knowing yourself.
Before connecting with another person, it’s important that you have a good understanding of who you are. Several woman know what they want in their partners, such as good looks, financial security, etc., but they fail to do the deep work to understand who they really are. Who are you? What makes you tick? What are your deal breakers? What are your true wants and needs? Do you thrive on having close relationships and have a deep need and capacity for emotional connection? Many women have had painful experiences that stem from past relationships and even childhood trauma. This can cloud a woman’s sense of self resulting in her accepting any kind of treatment from a partner. Discovering the essence of who you are can help you wisely choose a partner who is aligned with you.
2. Failing to honor yourself.
It’s one thing to know who you are and what you want. It’s another thing to use this information when choosing a partner. With many women, this deep knowledge of self fails to translate into the corresponding action. Many women ignore their own needs, disregard red flags in relationships and compromise on their standards to avoid being alone. For instance, a woman may know that she is a daughter of the Most High, yet she settles for a partner who consistently disrespects and mistreats her. Choosing to honor yourself over others can help to break the cycle of compromise that keeps you in a repetitive pattern of unhealthy relationships. You were created in God’s image and should therefore expect to be treated with love, dignity and respect by your partner.
3. Hanging on to potential rather than facts.
How many time have we heard, “But he has potential,”? You meet a nice guy, but he is not a Christian, nor does he have an interest in giving his life to Christ. While potential may be a good thing, it is important to do an honest assessment of your potential partner, where he is in life and who he aspires to be. This means having frank conversations about faith and future aspirations while watching for corresponding actions. The Bible says, “You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15-20). While this verse refers to identifying false prophets, it can be applied to people in general. While not perfectly, those who are saved will show evidence of this by a pattern of behavior. Therefore, it is imperative that you watch for a potential partner’s seriousness in living for Christ.
It is important to keep in mind that no one is perfect and there is no guide out here to help you find the perfect person. Rather, these are just things to look out for that may help you choose differently rather than repeat the same, self-defeating cycles of relationships. There are many who have paid the price for choosing partners from a place of 1) being uninformed of who they are, 2) ignoring their own hearts, longings, and needs and 3) holding on to the possibility of what they can have rather than using facts to determine whether or not someone is right for them. Choose to do something different this time — Choose you.
Looking for a Christian counselor in Maryland to help you break the negative patterns in your dating relationships, contact me for a free 15 minute consult.
